The Feeling Of Guilt

Friday, August 03, 2018

Photography: Sylvia Freda

I don’t write enough.

I don’t make time for my friends.

I’m unproductive.

I’m too indecisive.

I don’t feel motivated.

I neglect self-care.

And the list goes on. Above are just a few of many things that I feel guilty about. I’m not sure if any of you feel the same way or if it’s just my personality?

What I wanted to address in this post particularly is my feeling of guilt over not writing enough and not feeling motivated. I feel like over the past year or two I have really neglected my blog, I’ve gone from posting every few weeks to posting every three months. No matter how many ‘breaks’ I take from my blog, I still don’t feel motivated. Over the past few weeks I’ve felt immensely upset over this fact because writing is something I love doing and I could never stop but yet I have? I tried to dig at the reasons of me feeling this way and I think to put it simply, I just get bored easily. I have not been happy with the content I’ve been writing and I’ve just felt limited. There’s so much pressure in the blogging world to only choose one niche and write about it but honestly? I just can’t do that. If it means I won’t be as successful then so be it,  but I’d rather write about a wide range of topics and use my website as a sort of portfolio instead of trying to intoxicate myself by just being locked in one box. As much as I love reading and I enjoy writing book reviews it’s not something I can do regularly. Yet again, I feel like there’s so much pressure to read a certain number of books a year, reaching the deadlines for reading the books and writing the reviews etc. It just takes the fun out of it for me and I don’t see my blog as a job, I see it as a creative outlet.

Although I’ve finally got to the root of my writing ‘issues’ and I’m starting to work on them, I still feel quite a bit of guilt in my personal life. I’ve been trying to spend less time on my phone and in return be more productive but some of my friends see it as me neglecting them when I don’t check up every day. I’m on my phone – I spend less time working. I’m working – I spend less time socialising. No matter what I end up doing there’s always a pang of guilt, it’s like a never ending cycle. Essentially, I should just do what makes me happy but at the same time I don’t want to neglect any aspect of my life that is important. To add to that, being a people pleaser is not helping me in this situation. 

Do you ever feel guilty in your professional or personal life? How do you deal with it?


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