Endings are just new beginnings...

Friday, March 13, 2015

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On my Instagram I said that my life is changing and that I'll write about it very soon, so here I am. I've been struggling a lot in school, I barely had any friends other than my four classmates who I'm going to miss and every day of school was a real struggle for me. Instead of calling it 'school', I refer to it as 'hell'. In all honesty, even though I had friends I just felt alone and it was hard for me to function. I feel like I'm different compared to everyone else, I don't agree with some things that people do which may seem completely fine to them. I couldn't be around people who didn't understand me, when I was at sixth-form I had a 'hate everyone day' every single day. It's hard for me to communicate with people who don't think the same way I do. I like to think I'm quite a mature person for my age and maybe that can be disadvantage when I'm trying to make friends at school.

So a few months ago I was feeling really low, I was anxious (I still am quite a lot) and every time I went into school I just felt really paranoid like people were talking about me or just looking at me all the time and I felt ashamed and embarassed and in all honesty I don't even understand why. I just felt so depressed, I went to my doctor and got referred for therapy which I'm starting on Wednesday. Well, after going to see a doctor I felt so much better, I was finally getting help and everything was going to be fine. It wasn't. Going into school was the reason I was depressed and anxious and so I came to a decision. I decied to leave the sixth-form I'm currently attending so I can start over and do A-levels. I'll be a year behind but I couldn't care less, I just want to do what's best for my wellbeing.

I'm planning to teach myself at home because going to a new school would make me feel the same way as I did at the sixth-form I was currently attending. I know it will be tough but I'm a fighter and I know I'll get through it and in the end I'll be happy. I promised myself I'd never regret any decisions I made in life and I'm going to keep that promise because I know that even if I won't be happy with this decision in the future I will know that it was the best thing for me to do at the time. I know my friends are upset and annoyed about me leaving and I will miss them but I have to think about myself and do what's best for my health because if I stayed in the place that was toxic to me I think I'd lose myself (I was already starting to) but I put a stop to it! Everyone experiences anxiety and depression in different ways and it really pissed me off when some people said to me 'you need to stay till the summer to get your qualification', the reason being is because they don't understand how I'm feeling, I have extreme hatred for that environment and I honestly couldn't stay. I don't care about letters on a piece of paper, what I care about is my health. People seem to forget about that, unless they went through what I went through they wouldn't understand how exactly I'm feeling and I would never wish for it to happen to them.


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  1. I'm so so proud of you, this is really well written and honest. I'm fighting with you every step of the way! xx

    1. Thank you! You're support means so much to me! xx